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但如果你能幻想未来，你可能会发现，三个月内你就会得到一份很棒的工作，这个新职位要求你去巴黎待三个月，接受进一步的培训，随后去公司在夏威夷的总部工作。接受完培训之后，你就能去总部为了工作给你安的家生活，那个家会更现代化，会有各种豪华家具，想到这里，买新的沙发会让你犹豫吗？
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没有什么“水晶球”能告诉我们未来的样子，但你的目标明确，就能确定未来。因为过去的经历而去思考你被压抑了的本性是可以理解的，但不要只关心过去的事，而是要从过去的事中汲取教训，改变你现在的行为，确定你未来的走向。能发现现在比过去要好是很有帮助的，但我们还要向前看，你在生活中使用的策略只是定义你个性的一部分。苏珊·哈特尔（Harter et al. 1997）发现，在不同的情况下，我们都会表现出不同的自己。以某种方式活过数年之后，我们可能忘记了自己掩藏在后面的其他个性特征。植物需要合适的温度和阳光才能开花，同理，你试图重新唤醒的好的特性可能也需要一个合适的条件才能重新出现。
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自己想一想，接下来的十年里，你希望变成怎样的自己，如果你能够说出那些个性特征，那你就有了明确的目标。你不能控制周围的世界，但你对自己梦想的渴求能够赋予你做出改变的能力，让你真正变为成熟稳重的人。
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“大脑的十年”能帮我们用新的视角去理解人类所面临的苦难和对苦难的承受力。对那些面对突然而至的恼怒和失望却不知道这些情绪是从何而来，也不明白该怎样控制这些情绪的人而言，这是一个很棒的消息。
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学着制止过度行为需要耐心和坚持。心灵和身体、过去和现在，都是导致我们做出过度情绪反应的因素。我希望你能按照本书的内容去找寻将这些碎片拼凑起来的新方式，这样你就能为你自己和所爱的人创造一幅杰出的画作。
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情绪勒索：摆脱家人、情侣、职场间的情绪控制 阅读推荐
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书籍：
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Brown, B. 2007. I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. New York: Penguin Books/Gotham.
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Hanson, R., and R. Mendius. 2009. Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
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Johnson, S. 2008. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. New York: Little Brown.
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Siegel, D. J., and M. Hartzell. 2003. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self–Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. New York: Penguin.
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Siegel, J. P. 2000. What Children Learn from Their Parents’ Marriage. New York: Harper Collins.
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Williams, M., J. Teasdale, Z. Segal, and J. Kabat-Zinn. 2007. The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness. New York: Guilford Press.
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参考书：
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Jacobs, B. 2004. Writing for Emotional Balance: A Guided Journal to Help You Manage Overwhelming Emotions. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
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Spradlin, S. E. 2003. Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
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参考文献：
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Augustine, A., and S. H. Hemenover. 2009. On the relative effectiveness of affect regulation strategies: A meta-analysis. Cognition and Emotion 23
:1181-1220.
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Baer, R. A., and D. B. Huss. 2008. Mindfulness-and acceptance-based therapy. In Twenty-First Century Psychotherapies, edited by Jay LeBow. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley.
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Bandura, A. 1997. Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control. New York: Freeman.
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Beck, A. 1976. Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. Madison, CT: International Universities Press.
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Benjamin, L. S., and F. J. Friedrich. 1991. Contributions of structural analysis of social behavior (SASB) to the bridge between cognitive science and a science of object relations. In Person, Schemas and Maladaptive Interpersonal Patterns, edited by M. J. Horowitz. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
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Benjamin, L. S., J. Rothweiler, J. Conrad, and K. L. Critchfield. 2006. The use of structural analysis of social behavior (SASB) as an assessment tool. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology 2
:83-109.
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