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她身之欲:珠三角流动人口社群特殊职业研究 写在最后
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忽然一下,就十年了。
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最初被导师下“最后通牒”,说再不开始田野工作,不在一周内找到两个小姐,就换题目吧,我居然当场就飙泪了,那是怎样的不安啊!我的研究生同学们都说我是“剑走偏门”,怎么就想到了这样一个“香艳”的题目。后来,经过这么一逼,我真的在一周内找到了两名小姐,我的世界一下被打开了,心里乐开了花。再后来,混迹夜总会,夜走“红灯区”,好像是哪儿乱就到哪儿去,昔日的同学看到我在微博上写的田野笔记惊呼道:“如果你要写杀人的小说是不是会尝试去杀人啊!”我从自己的足迹中渐渐体会到研究的艰辛,要胆大心细,有时还得略带帮派气息,这一切都给了我莫名的乐趣,大概就是贺萧说的“危险的愉悦”吧。回想起来,一幕幕都带着暗夜霓虹的颜色,在脑海里闪烁、发光,仿佛电影里的镜头,而这个电影的摄制者就是我自己。
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我的许多想法和意识都是在这十年间发展出来的,大概我的思想成长史、个人成长史都和这里面的很多人很多事密不可分了。伴随着小姐们的嬉笑怒骂我经历了一次次的恋爱、失恋、喜怒哀乐,她们一次次面对生活困境的时候也正是我经历种种焦虑、失意、迷惑之时。我从一次次的小跌小打中站起来满血复活,慢慢地,我意识到我身上的力量有一部分是源自她们。她们教会了我要灵活面对世事,善用各种资源,该弯腰时能弯腰,该挺直时就挺直。她们让我明白了亲密关系是复杂的,不是只讲情就可以,有时甚至讲情讲理都行不通,生活中会碰到各种关系问题,有些东西看上去远不像表面显示出来的那样,只有深挖下去才能触到核心。她们让我看到身为女性不仅要有坚韧和隐忍的品质,更要有不囿于束缚、“越界”探索的勇气,为自己争取更多空间,这些空间不是别人给的,只能自己为自己创造。
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