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在去欣赏田野尽头野蔷薇的路上,我背对着山谷,似乎感觉到身后有什么东西,远远地在向我招手。有那么一阵子,我真的感觉到了这种东西,但一会儿这种感觉又消失了,于是我继续朝野蔷薇走去。然后这种感觉又来了,我转过身去,山谷的景色还是老样子,因为没有日光而显得平淡无奇,并没有因为夜色而变得神秘。我的目光沿着左侧遥远的山脊移动,很快就发现了萨梯跳舞的田野。有一点我深信不疑:很多萨梯在那里翩翩起舞。景色还是从前的样子,遥远的田野也没有任何变化,高高的山丘顶部,四周笼罩着一丝神秘,中间则是一片平坦的绿色;可是,这种深信不疑的感觉越来越强,变得无可抗拒。只不过因为距离太远,分辨不出有什么东西在影影绰绰中移动;也是因为距离太远,也看不出有什么东西从树林中出来,可是我深信,那里就是舞场,潜伏在远方阴暗树林中的精灵们就在那里跳舞,这些精灵就是萨梯。随着夜幕的降临,一切变得越来越暗,直到看不清远处那片昏暗的田野,我便下山往家里走去。那天晚上以及之后的一整天,我始终坚信自己的发现,因此决定傍晚时分再去探个究竟。
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萨梯跳舞的田野离我的房子有一段距离,因此我在日落之前就出发了。伴着凉风,我登上了远处的山丘,然后沿着一条狭窄的小径穿过一片西班牙板栗树和橡树组成的树林,来到一条柏油大路。
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沿着这条路走了一小段,我仿佛与二十世纪擦肩而过——它的机械、它的人群和它的速度。有一阵子,我仿佛跋涉在时代的大潮中,可是很快就看到了大路另一侧的小径,看方向应该通往我要去的田野;我穿过大路,很快再次融入乡村的宁静,一种仿佛从来没有被时代破坏过的宁静。我来到环绕田野的树林。那是一片榛子树和橡树组成的树林,右侧是山茱萸,这些植物向左变得稀疏,一直延伸到树篱。越过树篱,那片田野就映入了眼帘。
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前面,在田野的尽头,树林茂密而古老。右侧,如我前面所说,是橡树、榛子树和山茱萸,左侧是向下延伸至山谷的田野,我看到了老橡树的树梢。这是依偎在树林中的一片田园风光,尤其是和那条大路比起来,更是如此。可是,就在看到这片田野的那一刻,我意识到它并不神秘。几枝毛茛矗立在稀疏的干草间,远处长着雏菊,草丛间露出一块块褐色土地,干干的。毫无疑问,司空见惯的空气每天掠过这片田野。很难确定到底是什么散发着如此的魅力,与奇特的东西接触能看出某种神奇,但从毛茛和雏菊以及收成不佳的干草中当然不可能做到。
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我的目光从田野转向山谷斜坡,掠过橡树的树梢,向前面看去,确定自己没有走错。如果我能看到而且只要看到长着野蔷薇的田野,那么这片田野和树木一定是我曾经一直寻找的。千真万确,我看到了那些明白无误的山丘,我就是从那里来的,又看到了山丘上的树林以及树林上方的田野。但有一会儿我又无法确定。那片田野看起来如此陌生,充满神秘色彩——不是因为阴影,毕竟太阳早就落山了,而是因为树篱下正在聚集的某种黑暗,在这片黑暗的中心,薄暮依然闪着微光——我没有很快认出它来。而且,就在我观察那片田野,通过许多标识辨认出我那片非常普通的田野时,这种神秘感越来越强,薄暮褪尽之前,那片田野显然笼罩在这种神秘之中,而这种神秘从来都与难以置信的东西密不可分。
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那个地方实在太远,今晚去不了,我再次看了看身边的这片田野,想看一看是否有什么东西潜伏在它所拥有的全部神奇之中。没有,什么都没有,一切都消失了。这时,一个乡下男孩从树林里跳出来,穿过田野向我奔来。他看起来就像在自己家中一样,好像对周围的灌木和阴影如此熟悉。我怀着对自己幻想的最后一丝希望跟他打招呼,这时男孩竖起了耳朵。我问他,就像问是否还有公交车一样:“萨梯今晚在这里跳舞吗?”
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“在这儿?不!”男孩回答得如此肯定,我知道自己一定弄错了。
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我咕哝着说,原认为他们会在这里跳舞。
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“不。”男孩一边说着,一边摇头,指着我要去的那片长着野蔷薇的田野,只见那里若明若暗,在日暮前呈现出灰暗的绿色。“他们今晚在那里跳舞。”
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(彭萍 译)
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[1]森林之神,具人形而有羊的尾、耳、角等,性嗜嬉戏,好色。
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35 EVERY MAN’S NATURAL DESIRE TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE
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By Samuel McChord Crothers
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EVERY MAN’S NATURAL DESIRE TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE, by Samuel McChord Crothers, from his “The Dame School of Experience,” 1920.
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Samuel McChord Crothers (1857-1927), American essayist and Unitarian clergyman. In 1894 he went to Cambridge, Massachusetts, as pastor of the First Parish. He has kept alive the literary traditions of old Boston—the earnest culture, the whimsical imagination, the pleasant aloofness from the mad rush of the Gilded Age. The delightful whimsicality of Charles Lamb and the genial optimism of Holmes invest Mr. Crother’s essays with a charm that defies analysis.
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Several years ago a young man came to my study with a manuscript which he wished me to criticize.
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“It is only a little bit of my work,” he said modestly, “and it will not take you long to look it over. In fact it is only the first chapter in which I explain the Universe.”
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I suppose that we have all had moments of sudden illumination when it occurred to us that we had explained the Universe, and it was so easy for us that we wondered why we had not done it before. Some thought drifted into our mind and filled us with vague forebodings of omniscience. It was not an ordinary thought, that explained only a fragment of existence. It explained everything. It proved one thing and it proved the opposite just as well. It explained why things are as they are, and if it should turn out that they are not that way at all, it would prove that fact also. In the light of our great thought chaos seems rational.
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Such thoughts usually occur about four o’clock in the morning. Having explained the Universe, we relapse into satisfied slumber. When, a few hours later, we rise, we wonder what the explanation was.
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Now and then, however, one of these highly explanatory ideas remains to comfort us in our waking hours. Such thought is that which I here throw out, and which has doubtless at some early hour occurred to most of my readers. It is that every man has a natural desire to be somebody else.
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This does not explain the Universe, but it explains that perplexing part of it which we call Human Nature. It explains why so many intelligent people, who deal skilfully with matters of fact, make such a mess of it when they deal with their fellow creatures. It explains why we got along as well as we do with strangers, and why we do not get on better with our friends. It explains why people are so often offended when we say nice things about them, and why it is that, when we say harsh things about them, they take it as a compliment. It explains why people marry their opposites and why they live happily ever afterwards. It also explains why some people don’t. It explains the meaning of taste and its opposite.
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The tactless person treats a person according to a scientific method as if he were a thing. Now, in dealing with a thing you must first find out what it is, and then act accordingly. But with a person, you must find out what he is and then carefully conceal from him the fact that you have made the discovery. The tactless person can never be made to understand this. He prides himself on taking people as they are without being aware that that is not the way they want to be taken.
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