打字猴:1.705051968e+09
1705051968 英汉各有长处。以They bounce white against the grass and splash into the puddles一句为例,汉译的意境之美,为英语原句不可比也。
1705051969
1705051970 For this storm is already beginning to pass. The tension is released from the atmosphere, the curtains of rain let in more light. The storm has spent most of its energy, and what is left will be expended on the countryside to the east.
1705051971
1705051972 【原译】因为这场暴风雨即将过去,紧张的气氛缓和了,从雨幕中透出更多的亮光。暴风雨已耗去了大部分的精力,还有一点余威只能到东边的乡间去施展了。
1705051973
1705051974 【改译】暴风雨开始减弱,紧张空气缓和,雨帘渐渐撩起,透出更多的亮光。暴风雨已成强弩之末,只能到东边的乡间去施展余威了。
1705051975
1705051976 本段最精彩的句子是the curtains of rain let in more light,主语the curtain正巧应对汉语的“雨幕”或“雨帘”,而谓语let in,轻巧而舒缓。如此美句,是否能在汉译时,略加引申,译成“雨帘渐渐撩起,透出更多的亮光”,一个“撩”字,是否可与let in媲美?文言意味浓重的“强弩之末”和“施展余威”,用来翻译spent most of its energy和what is left will be expended on the countryside to the east,是否透出些许典雅?
1705051977
1705051978 I am drawn outside while the rain still falls. All around, there is a cool and welcome feeling. I breathe deeply and watch the sun’s rays streak through breaking clouds. One ray catches the drips that form on the edge of the roof, and I am treated to a row of tiny, quivering colors—my private rainbow.
1705051979
1705051980 【原译】雨仍在淅淅沥沥地下着,我却忍不住走到室外。环境是那么清新宜人。我深深地呼吸着新鲜空气,仰望那云间的道道阳光。有一束阳光恰巧射在屋檐边的水珠上,我便看到一条细细的、微微颤动的七色彩带——一条供我个人欣赏的彩虹。
1705051981
1705051982 【改译】雨仍下着,我却忍不住来到室外。四周,是那么凉爽宜人。我情不自禁地深呼吸,仰望那破云而出的道道阳光。此时,一束阳光恰巧照射在屋檐边的水珠上,一条七色彩带,若隐若现、颤颤巍巍,映入眼帘——啊,一条由我独享的彩虹。
1705051983
1705051984 文章的每一段循序渐进,细腻地写暴风雨的进程。描写风雨大作时,句子短促而有力,而雨过天晴时,句子有稍稍趋长;形式和内容完美结合,遣词造句和自然景象天然交融。本段末句,用了破折号,余音袅袅,给人遐思。
1705051985
1705051986 两译相比,前者拘谨,后者洒脱。比如:
1705051987
1705051988 仰望那云间的道道阳光→仰望那破云而出的道道阳光。
1705051989
1705051990 我便看到一条细细的、微微颤动的七色彩带→一条七色彩带,若隐若现、颤颤巍巍,映入眼帘。
1705051991
1705051992 I pick my way through the wet grass, my feet sinking into the saturated soil. The creek in the gully runs bank-full of brown water, but the small lakes and puddles are already disappearing into the earth. Every leaf, brick, shingle and blade of grass is fresh-washed and shining.
1705051993
1705051994 【原译】我小心翼翼地穿过那湿漉漉的草地,双脚不时陷入雨水浸透的土壤中。河谷里的小溪满载着浑浊的泥水奔流而去,但那些小水洼和小水坑里的水已经渗入地下,都不见踪影。每片树叶和草叶、每块砖头和卵石都冲洗得干净发亮。
1705051995
1705051996 【改译】我小心翼翼地穿过那湿漉漉的草地,双脚不时陷入浸透雨水的土壤中。河谷里的小溪满载着浑浊的泥水冲刷着河岸,那些小水洼和小水坑里的水已经渗入地下,都不见踪影。一片片树叶,一块块砖头,一个个卵石,一根根小草,都冲洗得纤尘不染,熠熠发光。
1705051997
1705051998 情景交融,方能打动读者。作者善用Parallelism,首尾呼应用之。末句的主语罗列了四个并列名词,有效地渲染了气氛。
1705051999
1705052000 汉语的叠音词之美,不仅是一种视觉享受,而且更是一种听觉享受,试比较:
1705052001
1705052002 每片树叶和草叶、每块砖头和卵石都冲洗得干净发亮→一片片树叶,一块块砖头,一个个卵石,一根根小草,都冲洗得纤尘不染,熠熠发光。
1705052003
1705052004 Like the land, I am renewed, my spirit cleansed. I feel an infinite peace. For a time I have forgotten the worries and irritations I was nurturing before. They have been washed away by the glories of the storm.
1705052005
1705052006 【原译】像大地一样,我也焕然一新,心灵得到了净化。我感到无比的平静,一时间全然忘掉了以往郁积心头的烦恼和忧愁。它们都已被辉煌壮丽的暴风雨荡涤得干干净净。
1705052007
1705052008 【改译】像大地一样,我也焕然一新,心胸一洗。我感到无比恬静。一时间,久积心头的烦恼和愤懑,已不知去向,一场辉煌壮丽的暴风雨居然把它们也荡涤得干干净净。
1705052009
1705052010 此段是在抒情,还是在写景?水乳交融般的情和景,将文章的格调提升到一个崭新的境界。透过作者的心情的演变,读者分明看到了人和自然的交融和互动。
1705052011
1705052012 改译有两处值得欣赏:
1705052013
1705052014 my spirit cleansed→心胸一洗(抽象名词spirit译成了具体名词“心胸”。)
1705052015
1705052016 They have been washed away by the glories of the storm.→一场辉煌壮丽的暴风雨居然把它们也荡涤得干干净净。(译者添加一个不起眼,却值得玩味的副词“也”。)
1705052017
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