1705052355

1705052356 Veronica Horst was stung by a bee, and it should have produced no more than a minute of annoyance and pain, but she, in the apparent bloom of health at the age of twenty-nine, turned out to be susceptible to anaphylactic shock, and nearly died. Fortunately, her husband, Gregor, was with her, and threw her fainting body, all but blood-pressureless, into their car and speeded careening through the heart of town to the hospital, where she was saved. When Les Miller heard about the event, from his wife, Lisa, who was breathlessly fresh from a session of gossip and women’s tennis, he was stung by jealousy: he and Veronica had had an affair the previous summer, and by the rights of love he should have been the one to be with her and to save her heroically. Gregor even had the presence of mind, afterward, to go around to the local police and explain why he had been speeding and careening through stop signs. “It seems incredible,” Lisa innocently told her husband, “that here she’s nearly thirty and apparently has never been stung before, so nobody knew she would react this way. As a child I was always getting stung, weren’t you?”

1705052357

1705052358 【原译】被蜜蜂螫一口本只是一会儿忍痛便能了事的，但29岁的维罗妮卡·霍斯特，虽身康体健，正值黄金年华，对此事的剧烈反应令人咋舌——过敏性休克以至于差点儿一命呜呼。谢天谢地，还好当时陪在她身边的丈夫格雷戈尔动作利索，拣回了她一条命。那时的维罗妮卡已经不省人事，而且是零血压。即便情况如此危急，格雷戈尔还是三下五除二便将她端进车里，风驰电掣般穿过市中心，送她到医院救治。话说莉莎一打完网球、聊完天回来，便迫不及待地将此事告诉了丈夫莱斯·米勒。谁知他一听，便是一阵揪心之痛，嫉妒不已。原来，先前这个夏天，他与维罗妮卡互生情愫，关系暧昧，自然他觉得当时陪在维罗妮卡身边、上演这英雄救美的一幕的是自己才对。不管他如何幻想，我们都得承认当时的格雷戈尔做得相当漂亮。他确实遇事冷静，如此之险情也没使他乱了方寸。事后，他还记得向警察解释当时超速闯红灯一事。“真不可思议呀！”纯洁的莉莎对着丈夫说道，“维罗妮卡快30岁的人了，长这么大显然还没被蜂螫过啊，我可是从小被蜜蜂螫着长大的。你也差不多吧？”

1705052359

1705052360 就召唤结构而论，其审美要素分为两类：美学表象要素（overt aesthetic essential factors）及美学非表象要素（covert aesthetic essential factors）。

1705052361

1705052362 语言形式（包括音韵）上的美，在美学上称为物质存在的形态美，它通常直观可感，一般诉诸于人的视觉和听觉。一篇优美的作品首先让读者感受到的是其文字，是作品的遣词造句，表现在行文的风格、音韵、节奏上。这些即原文所谓的“美的物质存在的形态”。比如，上段文字中出现了四个stung，有的用其本义，有的则用其转义。作者笔力不凡，才思纵横。stung的反复运用就是一种首先映入读者眼帘的表象美。原译者对此视而不见，乃一憾。

1705052363

1705052364 上段文字，除此类美学表象要素之外，还并存着美学的非表象要素。

1705052365

1705052366 语言的非表象美学要素与语言形式一般没有直接关系，通常为不可计数的，非直观可感，人们常称其为“非定量因素”。如文章的思想、观点、意境、神韵、气势、风格、情态、韵味等等。这些要素对一篇文章的审美价值来说举足轻重，至关重要。虽然它们是非物质的、非直观的、非一目了然的，但是，它们又在召唤结构中露出蛛丝马迹，让读者感知，让读者品味。

1705052367

1705052368 “秀外慧中”常用于写人，其实不妨借来写美学的表象要素及美学的非表象要素。评价一篇文章或一部作品，“秀外”者，即表象要素，“慧中”者，即非表象要素也。

1705052369

1705052370 上段文字有两句属于“慧中”之表达。

1705052371

1705052372 写Gregor的一句Gregor even had the presence of mind, afterward, to go around to the local police and explain why he had been speeding and careening through stop signs中even had the presence of mind…刻画Gregor，简直是入木三分。原译将上句译成“事后，他还记得向警察解释当时超速闯红灯一事”，不得原文之非表象美也。

1705052373

1705052374 另有一句写Lisa: “It seems incredible,” Lisa innocently told her husband, “that here she’s nearly thirty and apparently has never been stung before, so nobody knew she would react this way. As a child I was always getting stung, weren’t you?“副词innocently，作者一笔带过，不很用心，其实，乃文思纵横之笔。此副词，表面述事，实则写人。其丈夫和Veronica有染，Lisa全然不知。一个innocently巧妙地向读者暗递了此信息。同时，Lisa的个性也一笔带出。原译者译“纯洁的莉莎”是硬搬了词典的释义，未识破innocently之非表象美。

1705052375

1705052376 【改译】维罗妮卡·霍斯特被蜜蜂螫了一下，这本只该给她造成片刻的烦恼和疼痛而已，在29岁这个年龄，维罗妮卡显然正处健康的巅峰阶段，不料，她却易患过敏性休克，这一螫险些要了她的命。幸好，丈夫格雷戈尔在她身边，他赶紧把不省人事、气息奄奄的维罗妮卡抱上他们的车，风驰电掣、横冲直撞地穿过镇中心，将她送入医院救治脱险。莱斯·米勒是从妻子莉莎那里听说此事的。当时莉莎刚刚打完一场网球回来，当然球场上少不了一席东家长西家短的闲话，但见她娇喘吁吁，却容光焕发。听闻此事，莱斯被妒忌心所螫：上个夏天，莱斯和维罗妮卡·霍斯特曾有过一段情。藉爱之名，在维罗妮卡身边演绎英雄救美的，理应是他呀。事后，格雷戈尔居然还有心情跑了一趟警察局，解释他为何置停车信号于不顾而飞车过街。“这好像挺不可思议的，”不知隐情的莉莎跟丈夫说，“维罗妮卡都快三十了，明摆着，以前从来没被螫过，所以谁都不会料到她的反应会如此强烈。我小时候经常被螫，你不是吗？”

1705052377

1705052378 “I think Veronica had a city upbringing,” he said.

1705052379

1705052380 “Still,” Lisa said, hesitant in the face of his ready assertion, “that’s no guarantee. There are parks.”

1705052381

1705052382 【原译】莱斯说：“我想维罗尼卡是在城里长大的。”

1705052383

1705052384 “即便她是在城里长大的，”莉莎回应说，见她丈夫回答得那么有把握，语气有些迟疑，“那也不能保证什么。还有公园呢。”

1705052385

1705052386 格式塔心理学认为，人的心理存在着一种“完形压强”，即当一个不完全的形状呈现于读者眼前时，在人的心理上必然会产生一种内在的紧张力，迫使大脑皮层激烈地活动，极力改变这种形状，使之恢复为完整、和谐的形状，从而达到心理平衡。这种心理倾向，被称为闭合性，它是格式塔心理学的核心内容。格式塔心理学认为，人类创造性的心理机制常常实现于格式塔的这种闭合性之中，而不完满、有空缺正是人们进行心理闭合的重要条件。

1705052387

1705052388 hesitant的遣词，可被视作不完满、有空缺。原译未能成功闭合。所谓“成功闭合”，即在阅读的过程中，进行积极的思维活动，不断地上接下连，左顾右盼，将看似零星的、细琐的、孤立的原始材料连接成一条能在逻辑上自圆其说的情节链、人物链、个性链等等。换言之，即能以其期待视野去驰骋想象，进行再创造，从而能使原来不完满的变得完满，原来有空缺的得以填补，从而最终形成一个完整意象。

1705052389

1705052390 hesitant的原译，未使不完满变得完满，未使空缺得以填补。从Lisa的所言判断，逻辑严密，口吻果决，丝毫不存在原译的所谓“语气有些迟疑”的问题。

1705052391

1705052392 【改译】“就算是在城里长大的，”听了莱斯脱口说出的回应，莉莎犹豫了一下，说道，“那也保证不了她没碰到过蜜蜂啊。城里有公园嘛。”

1705052393

1705052394 Les, picturing Veronica in her house, in her bed, where an elongated pink-tinged pallor had been revealed to him, like a Modigliani or a Fragonard, nestled in rumpled fabric, said, “She’s a pretty indoor kind of person.”

1705052395

1705052396 【原译】莱斯想象着维罗妮卡躺在家中床上的样子，浮现在他脑海中的是一张苍白之中红晕淡染的鹅蛋脸。她倚在凌乱的被子上，像是莫迪里阿尼或弗拉戈纳尔作品中的女子。他说：“她可是足不出户的大家闺秀。”

1705052397

1705052398 “鹅蛋脸”，形象美好，用于此不仅不美，而且不妥。何也？“鹅蛋脸”，多形容健康女性之脸型，而不宜用来形容因病而变得瘦长的脸型。原句中的elongated写的是维罗妮卡大病未愈，形容憔悴。elongated的本义是made longer（变长的）。如何会变长？病之折磨也。

1705052399

1705052400 个人的想象能力、生活经验、审美经验、审美标准甚至道德观念等综合素质，在阅读过程中不断让读者对作品的不确定意义定性，并补充其意义空白。将elongated译成“鹅蛋脸”，生活经验之不足也。

1705052401

1705052402 【改译】莱斯想像着维罗妮卡待在家里、躺在床上的样子，仿佛看见了维罗妮卡那张变得瘦长的脸，苍白中泛着粉色，如同莫迪里阿尼或弗拉戈纳尔画中的女子，卧在一床起了皱的罗衾之中。想着想着，莱斯说道：“她可是个足不出户的淑女。”

1705052403

1705052404 Lisa was not. Tennis, golf, hiking, and skiing kept her freckled the year round. Even her delft-blue irises were dotted, if you looked, with tan specks of melanin. She insisted, “Well, she nearly died,” as if Les had been wandering from the point. His mind had been exploring the abysmal possibility of Veronica’s beauty and high spirits being removed from the world by a chemical mischance. In her moment of need, had her care passed to her lover the previous summer, he might have proved less effective than Gregor, who was small and dark and spoke English if not with an accent with a studied precision, as if locking the sense of his words into an iron case. She found him repellent, Veronica had confessed—his fussiness, his dictatorial streak, the cold assertiveness in his touch—but Les, by breaking off their affair at the end of the summer, had possibly saved her life. In Gregor’s shoes he might have panicked, doubted what was happening, and fatally failed to act. As it was, he saw gallingly, the incident would be rolled into the Horst family annals, as a pivotal and eternally ramifying moment—the time Mommy (and, as she would become, Grammy) was stung by a bee, and funny foreign-born Grampa resourcefully saved her. Les was so jealous that he nearly bent over as if with a stomach cramp. Had he, sweet dreamy Les, been there, instead of scowling, practical-minded Gregor, her emergency would have acquired and forever retained a different poetry, more flattering to her, more congruent with a doomed summer love. For what was more majestically intimate even than sex but death? He imagined her motionless profile, gray with blood loss, cradled in his arms.

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