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1705052741
二十岁的时候，和某个人晚上一起去看了场电影，不经意中拉了一次手，结果幸福了整整一个夏天。三十岁之后，坐在香格里拉酒店的旋转餐厅陪客户吃自助餐，在缓缓的转动之中，莫名其妙地一阵空虚，突然间对一切感到索然无味……
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1705052743
文章短小，不足千言。立意深邃，文思如瀑。“我”，一个未婚女子，从20岁到30岁的十年光阴，短若一瞬，而精神世界却有天壤之别！人生苦短，却一步一景！短文让读者幡然觉醒：岁月如流，不应带走我们拥抱生活的激情！
1705052744
1705052745
古人云，会当凌绝顶，一览众山小。跋涉译林，对英语汉语之异同，当有“凌绝顶”之鸟瞰，对英汉语之美，当了然于胸，如此，方不至于迷途于茫茫译林。然，仅放眼于“绝顶”，仍不足取。宏观的认识、理论的积累应体现于译文的细枝末节之中，如此得来的译文才会精彩，才会精神抖擞。一味埋头前行，见字译字，见句译句，译者纵有披荆斩棘之勇，充其量也不过是一介译林有勇无谋之武夫。
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1705052747
现以原文、原译及改译的顺序逐段排列，后议改译心得。
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1705052749
一个女人是这样衰老的．
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1705052751
【原译】How a Woman Ages / A Woman’s Aging / A Woman Fades Thus / What Causes a Woman to Grow Old / The Way in Which a Woman is Aging / How a Woman Gets Old
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1705052753
【改译】The Way a Woman Withers
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1705052755
表示“衰老”就一定要用age或grow/get old吗？思路不妨宽些，译wither，如何？另外，withers因其形象化的喻义而更胜一筹。
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1705052757
此外，英语的修辞格，或者说任何语言的修辞格，乃语言美学的价值所在。可是，在汉译英中善用英语修辞格的却不多见。The Way a Woman Withers因运用了Alliteration（头韵）而获得了形和声两方面的美。
1705052758
1705052759
二十岁的时候，我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去，一说话就脸红。三十岁的我穿着名牌套装，坐在办公桌前，满脸冷酷地对下属说：“这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问？也不先打个草稿。”
1705052760
1705052761
【原译】At the age of twenty, I walked about on the campus, wearing a vest-like jean skirt. My face would turn red whenever I speak. After I have turned thirty, I am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly, “How dare you ask such a stupid question? Why didn’t you make a draft first?”
1705052762
1705052763
【改译】At the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, I moved about on the campus, my face blushing the moment I had the inclination to make an utterance. At the age of thirty, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, I reproach my subordinate bluntly, “How can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?”
1705052764
1705052765
翻译学到一定的时候，就期望有所突破。而突破的唯一道路是学以致用。试比较：in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly和wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, I reproach my subordinate bluntly，前译已经不错，而后译却辞采灿烂！究其原因，后译用了Zeugma（轭式修饰法）。一个分词巧妙地“串”起了两个宾语（a famous-brand suit和a cold look）！
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1705052767
Zeugma，即a figure of speech in which a single word, usually a verb or adjective, is syntactically related to two or more words, though having a different sense in relation to each (Webster’s New World Dictionary)。另如：
1705052768
1705052769
The senator picked up his hat and his courage.
1705052770
1705052771
She possessed two false teeth and a sympathetic heart.
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1705052773
He lost the game and his temper.
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1705052775
初学者的原译文处处留下“老实”的，或曰稚嫩的痕迹。原句中有“也不先打个草稿”，译文便亦步亦趋：Why didn’t you make a draft first？可是，汉语“打个草稿”的比喻，英语并不认同。
1705052776
1705052777
服饰，是翻译的一大障碍。原句中的“背心式牛仔裙”被译成vest-like jean skirt或sleeveless jeans skirts，均不地道。“背心式牛仔裙”应是jeans jumper或denim jumper。
1705052778
1705052779
二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》、《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄秘笈》、《ELLE》和《经理人的个人魅力》。
1705052780
1705052781
【原译】At the age of twenty, The Collected Works of Shakespeare, The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, and Ulysses were borrowed from the library. After thirty, Strategy of Speculation on Stocks, ELLE and Manager’s Personal Charm were put on the bedside.（此译含dangling modifier，为英语非规范表达。）
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1705052783
【改译】At the age of twenty, I borrowed books from the library like The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Ulysses. After thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as The Recipe on Stocks, ELLE and Manager’s Charm.
1705052784
1705052785
两译相比，最大的区别在于，前者“尾轻”，后者“尾重”。英语句法的审美趣味倾向于“尾重”。试比较（前者为佳句，后者为拙句）：
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1705052787
Gone are the days when I was young. ↔ The days when I was young are gone.
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1705052789
Word came that bribery has sent him to prison, which amazed us.↔ Word that bribery has sent him to prison came, which amazed us.
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