打字猴:1.705052843e+09
1705052843 笔者:Bill, the Chinese text does not contain “my marriage”. If in the version I do not add “about my marriage”, could you native speakers understand the implied meaning?
1705052844
1705052845 Bill: Ronggui, I think it is better to retain the marriage reference.
1705052846
1705052847 故译文中应有所增译:Mom, your worries about my marrige have all come true.
1705052848
1705052849 此外,后译使用了一非人称主语句After thirty the voice of Mom invariably triggers my crying,也为译文添色不少。此内容稍后再析。
1705052850
1705052851 二十岁的时候,我直想往前冲,谁也别挡我。三十岁之后,我真想赖着不走啊,又快过年了。
1705052852
1705052853 【原译】At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any apprehension. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to the moment: another New Year is looming.
1705052854
1705052855 【改译】At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any concern for the passing days and years. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to every moment. Unfortunately, another New Year looms on the horizon.
1705052856
1705052857 原句同样写得非常含蓄,没有末尾的“又快过年了”,上文的寓意有几分模糊,读者可能从字面意义去解读。学生原译文维系了原句的朦胧,英语的native speakers能接受吗?笔者与Bill Hofmann,之间有如下对话:
1705052858
1705052859 笔者:The Chinese text seems to be vague and implicit; the literal version done by my student goes like this: “At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any apprehension. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to the moment: another New Year is looming.” Could you understand and accept this literal version?
1705052860
1705052861 Bill: The literal version is ok. But I would make a few changes: “At the age of twenty, I dashed forward without any concern for the passing days and years. In my thirties, I strive to hang on to every moment. Unfortunately, another New Year looms on the horizon.”
1705052862
1705052863 由于添加了without any concern for the passing days and years,云飞雾散,朦胧顿消!
1705052864
1705052865 二十岁的时候,我想出名要趁早,一个人到了三十岁还籍籍无名那还活个什么劲儿呀?三十岁之后,名是不指望了,只希望在四十岁的时候能像我老板一样有钱。
1705052866
1705052867 【原译】At the age of twenty, I said, to gain fame, the earlier the better. How dull it should be one is still unknown in her thirties! In my thirties, reputation is no longer my desire. I only have a wish to be as rich as my boss in my forties.
1705052868
1705052869 【改译】At the age of twenty, it’s better to be famous before it’s too late, I believed. What would be the spice of life for a person deserted by fame when approaching thirty? After thirty, fame seems still beyond reach, yet being as rich as my boss at forty becomes my new dream.
1705052870
1705052871 英语既然是重分析的语言,其语法必有其特色。语言学家王力先生曾断言:西洋语法是硬的,没有弹性;中国语法是软的,富有弹性。中国语法以达意为主。所谓“硬”、所谓“没有弹性”,一个重要的标志是:英语是形合(Hypotaxis)语言,在句子的各成分之间必须用形形色色的含逻辑关系的Connectives将其串联起来。而汉语的所谓“软”和“弹性”,就是无须Connectives的串联,而其内部的逻辑关系自明。故汉语又被称为意合(Parataxis)语言。比如朱自清在他的短文《匆匆》中写道:
1705052872
1705052873 燕子去了,有再来的时候;杨柳枯了,有再青的时候;桃花谢了,有再开的时候。但是,聪明的,你告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?其相应的英译是:
1705052874
1705052875 Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again. Now, you the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?
1705052876
1705052877 英译出现了三个but,这三个but在native speakers的心目中是非加不可的。不加,即非正宗英语。让我们回过头再读朱自清原句。假设,将三个“但是”硬性插入,那将是何种滋味?
1705052878
1705052879 英译中的黑体字即Connectives,它们的出现,顿令译文生色。
1705052880
1705052881 另,《一个女人是这样衰老的》全文在频做20岁与30岁的对比,根据英语表达习惯,两项对比间,应用连词while,如At the age of twenty…, while at thirty…。但是,Bill教授对此有不同意见:
1705052882
1705052883 The balance and parallelism is so strong in these statements, I think you could omit the WHILE. However, in the first set, I would probably repeat the phrase AT THE AGE OF THIRTY. Thereafter, even that could be dropped, keeping only AT THIRTY.
1705052884
1705052885 可见,语言有规律可循,但并不存在万能的规律。
1705052886
1705052887 二十岁的时候,挤在人头攒动的公共大巴上,吃着甜筒,挺开心。三十岁之后,看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦,拜托!油价一跌,就去买车吧,一路开往小康。
1705052888
1705052889 【原译】At the age of twenty, I felt happy squeezed in a crammed bus eating an ice-cream. After I have turned thirty, I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis. Thank goddess! Once the oil price declines, I’ll buy a car to myself and drive all the way to a comfortable life.
1705052890
1705052891 【改译】At the age of twenty, I felt so contented sandwiched in a jammed bus, eating ice cream. After thirty, even the sight of a shabby and sordid taxi may sicken me. Ok! When the oil price goes down, I’ll buy a car and drive along the road of Well-To-Do.
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