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另外,“有朋友约去游逛,勾留了一日”,张译非常“铺张”,译成了I spent the first day in Nanjing strolling about with some friends at their invitation,从表层结构看,“游逛”被译strolling about,“约”也被译成at their invitation,看似译笔细密,点滴不漏,其实,却经不起推敲。strolling about是否译得太泛?at their invitation是否译得过于庄重?
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比较阅读在灯下继续,便又有了新的发现。
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我们过了江,进了车站。我买票,他忙着照看行李。
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张译不可谓不忠实,亦步亦趋地译成了两句。如:
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We entered the railway station after crossing the River. While I was at the booking office buying a ticket, father saw to my luggage.
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再读杨戴之译,发现译文紧缩为一句,系一典型的英语尾重句。表达流畅,散发浓郁的英语味。如:
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We crossed the Yangtze and arrived at the station, where I bought a ticket while he saw to my luggage.
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比较之下,我们宁可读杨戴之译,为什么?寻思之下,关键恐怕在where一词,这个关系副词的使用,令两句自然“璧合”,紧接着又跟上一个while,译文就获得了流畅感和英语味。比较阅读,感悟良多。形容这种感悟,可套用陶渊明在《桃花源记》中的一句:初极狭,才通人,复行数十步,豁然开朗。
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我们知道,属于不同语系的英语和汉语在句法上各具特色,其间差异不一而足。当代美国著名翻译家奈达在其Translating Meaning(1983)一书中指出:就汉语和英语而言,也许在语言学上最重要的一个区别,就是形合和意合的对比(contrast between hypotaxis and parataxis)。其实,“意合”一词,并非新词,我国著名的语法学家王力在其《中国语法理论》(1954)及《汉语语法纲要》(1957)两本书中都提到了“意合”问题。他在后者中言及,复合句里既有两个以上的句子形式,它们之间的联系有时候是以意合的。有的汉语语法书虽然没有提及“意合”一词,但涉及了词现象,如张志公(1982)在《现代汉语》中认为复合句分两类:“借助虚词组合成的复句”与“依靠语序直接组合成的复句”。
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英语重形合,汉语重意合。这早已是人们的共识。英语借助Connectives组成复句,而汉语则更多地依靠语序直接组合复句。比如:
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东海缺少白玉床,龙王来请金陵王。
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If the Dragon king wants a white jade bed, he applies to the Wangs of Chiling, it’s said.
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英译中的这个if是万万不能少的,否则就违反了英语的表达习惯。
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因此,汉译英的过程中往往需要将意合句转化为形合句。从意合到形合,似乎很简单,好像就是增加一个Connective就可以了。问题就如此简单吗?否。译者头脑中的形合意合意识是否成熟,在很大程度上影响译文的质量。
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英译的形合句因添加了Connective,其长度似乎应该增加。对比证明,英译添加了Connective,构成形合句,译文英语味趋浓,句子遣词不是增加,而是有所减少。
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老境却如此颓唐!他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。
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【张译】To think that he should now be so downcast in old age! The discouraging state of affairs filled him with an uncontrollable feeling of deep sorrow, and his pent-up emotion had to find a vent. That is why even mere domestic trivialities would often make him angry.
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译文拘谨,基本按照原文语序译出。就性质言,译文以意合句为主,意合转化为形合的意识在译文中得不到足够反映,Connective使用不到位。洋洋洒洒,三句共计使用了47个英语单词。
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【杨译】No one could have foreseen such a comedown in his old age! The thought of this naturally depressed him, and as he had to vent his irritation somehow, he often lost his temper over trifles.
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如用“牵丝攀藤”写张译,那么,杨译则明快爽洁。诵读前者,恰如艰难举步于灌木丛中,而浏览后者,则是赤足奔跑在海边沙地上。
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如此反差,也许可追溯到译文中的as。一个as,看似轻巧,其实不然。as折射了原文中的因果逻辑关系,使行文脉络朗现,逻辑突显,表达也就自然明澈,一个as就轻易替代了张译中的That is why…等众多累赘字眼。可以设想,没有这个表示逻辑关系的as,译文就得“绕道而行”,自然就得花费更多的笔墨。
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汉译英,许多意合句改变为形合句,增加了Connectives,但句子却更精练,遣词也减少的现象并非偶然。
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但是,Connectives的使用,甚至多使用Connectives,译文是否就一定趋简呢?未必。请看对比:
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我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”
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【张译】After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which he says, “I’m all right except for a severe pain in my arm. I even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes. Perhaps it won’t be long now before I depart this life.”
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