打字猴:1.705053038e+09
1705053038 【杨译】After I came north he wrote to me: “My health is all right; only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen. Probably the end is not far away.”
1705053039
1705053040 两译的字数分别是45和34。让人感到意外的是,杨译所使用的Connectives 仅两个:After和so。
1705053041
1705053042 这又是为什么呢?两译对比,尤其是对so的思考,笔者茅塞顿开。
1705053043
1705053044 所谓Connectives,似可根据其作用分为两类:一种是结构性的(Structural Connectives),另一种是非结构性的(Non-Structural Connectives)。结构性的Connectives既折射句子内部逻辑关系,又是句子的框架性构件,支撑起英语句子,可谓“一箭双雕”。而非结构性的Connectives不是句子的逻辑标记,仅是行文的纽带,承接上下文。如:After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which he says…。此译中的in which即非结构性Connective,不反映逻辑关系,承上启下而已,使用了这样的Connectives,未必能简化表达,与he wrote me a letter相比,in which he says就显然罗嗦,徒增了行文的字数。
1705053045
1705053046 结构性的Connectives,化隐含的逻辑关系为明示的逻辑关系,假如依靠别的文字来描述或传递同样的逻辑关系,自然多费笔墨。如:only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen.此译中的so,即属于结构性的Connectives。so虽不起眼,作用却大!so不仅使“惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便”一句中隐含的因果关系“浮出水面”,令读者易懂,而且使句子结构豁然。而张译中的I even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes独立成句,逻辑上产生割裂感,“前不着村,后不着店”一般。
1705053047
1705053048 汉英翻译,对英语重形合,汉语重意合的规律只有朦胧印象或泛泛了解是远不够的。光凭直感使用Connectives,也未必能够简化表达的目的。只有对汉语原句做一番逻辑梳理,并亮出结构性的Connectives,译文才会显示优势。
1705053049
1705053050 汉语意合句的内部逻辑关系,字面上“不动声色”,而内涵却丰富精彩。英译时,一不小心,就会滑入照字面直译的歧路,而不善使用形形色色的Connectives,尤其是结构性的Connectives。如:
1705053051
1705053052 早知今日,何必当初?(这是隐含条件关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少if。)
1705053053
1705053054 If I had known it would come to this, I would have acted differently.
1705053055
1705053056 他老是见异思迁。(这是隐含时间关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少the moment。)
1705053057
1705053058 He is always changing his mind the moment he sees something new.
1705053059
1705053060 江山易改,本性难移。(这是隐含转折关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少but。)
1705053061
1705053062 It is easy to change rivers and mountains but hard to change a person’s nature.
1705053063
1705053064 总之,前途是光明的,道路是曲折的。(这是隐含对比关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少while。)
1705053065
1705053066 In a word, while the prospects are bright, the road has twists and turns.
1705053067
1705053068 译者缺乏识破汉语原文所隐含的逻辑关系的“火眼金睛”,译文的精神必不能抖擞。如:
1705053069
1705053070 我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!
1705053071
1705053072 从字面上看,上句没有显露逻辑之痕,但是,译者假如不识其真面目(隐含时间关系的汉语意合句),照字面老老实实地去译,那将获得怎样的译文呢?
1705053073
1705053074 【张译】Through the glistening tears which these words had brought to my eyes I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form in the dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown and the black cloth mandarin jacket. Oh, how I long to see him again!
1705053075
1705053076 “看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影”应该如何理解?其中隐藏着怎样的逻辑关系?这是一个需要结合上文细加推敲的问题。其逻辑背景是:当父亲离我而去的时候,我看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。这个逻辑背景是全文之“眼”!汉语是成熟的语言,“当父亲离我而去的时候”不必明言,此意已经很自然地融入字里行间,读者足以意会。但是,在英译时,译者就必须遵从英语表达习惯,应该化隐为显,变无为有。遗憾的是,张译显然没有注意到这一点,而是作了直译:I again saw the back of father…句中的动宾搭配(saw the back),基本抄袭了汉语原句的动宾结构(看见背影)。
1705053077
1705053078 【杨译】When I read this, through a mist of tears I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from me. Shall we ever meet again?
1705053079
1705053080 此译抛弃了原句的动宾结构,而是另立新的动宾搭配:saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket。这样就腾出了使用Connective的空间,译笔多创意!果然,紧接着出现了一个as(这是典型的结构性的Connective),非常清晰和有层次感地传递了“背影”出现的时间。as his burly figure walked away from me 在原句里寻找不到相对应的字眼,却能在上文里寻找到此译的背景。由as引导的从句,贯通了上下文,并成功点题,把父亲的背影给译活了,这比单纯地写I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form更让人喝彩!如果说,译文I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form是死板的、平面的、孤立的,而译文I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from me则是鲜活的、立体的、贯通上文的!
1705053081
1705053082 英语的形合表达,竟有此妙处!这是我们始料未及的。此外,我们不应忘记,一个as,省略了多少赘词!从张译的43个单词缩减到33个!
1705053083
1705053084 我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青色布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。
1705053085
1705053086 【张译】I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track.
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