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英语的形合表达,竟有此妙处!这是我们始料未及的。此外,我们不应忘记,一个as,省略了多少赘词!从张译的43个单词缩减到33个!
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我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青色布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。
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【张译】I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track.
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没有比较,就没有鉴别。孤立读此译文,觉得并无明显不妥。意思到位,且文字清通。然而,世间万物,总经不起比较,译文亦不例外。把目光投向杨译时,读者的第一个感觉就是张译的累赘和杨译的明快。此外,令人称奇的是,杨译的as he waddled to the tracks and climbed slowly down和上一句译文中的as his burly figure walked away from me有异曲同工之妙!于是,读者再次慨叹译者不同凡响的hypotaxis consciousness!
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【杨译】So I watched him in his black cloth cap and jacket and dark blue cotton-padded gown, as he waddled to the tracks and climbed slowly down—not so difficult after all. But when he had crossed the lines he had trouble clambering up the other side.
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由于使用了as,父亲的两个动作(waddled to the tracks和climbed slowly down)就比较紧密地联系起来。结构性的Connective的运用能够使译文更趋畅洁,语势如瀑,奔泻酣畅。而这两个动作在张译中的彼此遥隔了23个单词,语势因此而中阻。如:I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track杨译使用了as,形容词短语not so difficult after all即能自然跟出,随后的两个Connectives(but和when)即刻暗示读者:要climbing up也许就不那么容易了。果然,读者读到:(but when) he had crossed the lines he had trouble clambering up the other side,承接圆润自如。再读张译:He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track.虽然也使用了but,但是,两个并列句的使用令遣词重复,句式呆板,用力平均,且had little trouble与a lot more difficult之间,呈“遥望”之势。
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杨译给我们的启示是,识别汉语原句的隐含的逻辑关系,在英译时,化意合句为形合句,有时就可以甚至必须跳出汉语句式的束缚,让调整过的句式更多体现“接近原则”(the vicinity principle),从而获得译文语势的流畅美。
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这是否可以说是英语形合句的一种优势呢?
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过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。
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【张译】In crossing the railway track, he first put the tangerines on the ground, climbed down slowly and then picked them up again.
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如前所说,汉译英时需要有强烈的形合意合意识,要善用Connectives。但是,多用未必就好。以上的张译就根据汉语原句中的几个连续发生的动作(“散放”、“爬下”、“抱起”等),根据先后次序,一一译出(如put, climbed down, picked them up),条理清晰,层层递进。
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【杨译】He put these on the platform before climbing slowly down to cross the lines, which he did after picking the fruit up.
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短短一句,译者连续使用了几个Connectives(before, when, after等),颇有点让读者眼花缭乱。尤其是句末的which he did after picking the fruit up,令读者如入迷宫,一下子难以醒悟:这个which到底指代上文何词?经过琢磨,方能领悟,这个which是指climbing slowly down to cross the lines。因多用了Connectives而使译文由简单变得复杂,由流畅变得曲折,这可以说是一个典型的译例。
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这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。
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有的语言学家经过长期的观察,悟出了一个精彩比喻:英句似“葡萄型”结构,而汉语句子则较短,若“竹竿型”结构。英汉互译就好像在“葡萄”与“竹竿”之间作转换。这个比喻非常出色。所谓“葡萄”与“竹竿”之间的转换,通俗言之,在汉译英中,即将汉语短句化成英语长句。“化”之关键,是吃透汉语原句中类似竹子的各短句间的逻辑,而后使用结构性的Connective将它们连接起来,而成为葡萄状结构。
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以上句为例,它前后分成两句。因此,英译就存在两种可能,一是“依样画葫芦”,也译两句。张译便是如此:
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【张译】While I was watching him from behind, tears gushed from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away lest he or others should catch me crying.
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汉语原句,似竹竿分两节,难道其内部是否就不存在逻辑关系了吗?不,原句前后间隐含着转折,我们完全可以在两句之间添加“但是”二字。如:这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。但是,我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。
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杨译能识破内含的转折关系,巧用Connective,把两句“捏”成了一句。如:
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【杨译】At the sight of his burly back tears started to my eyes, but I wiped them hastily so that neither he nor anyone else might see them.
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“竹子”如何变成了“葡萄”?其中结构性的Connective(but)起了关键作用。而后半句使用的so that则更使全句一气呵成,浑然一体。
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近几年来父亲和我都是东奔西走,家中光景是一日不如一日。
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【张译】In recent years, both father and I have been living an unsettled life, and the circumstances of our family going from bad to worse.
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【杨译】The last few years father and I have been moving from place to place, while things have been going from bad to worse at home.
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两译相比,使用了不同的Connectives,前者是and,后者是while。
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