打字猴:1.705047905e+09
1705047905 Having just bickered with my husband, I stood irritated in a draught by the gate of the yard, letting my wet unkempt hair flutter fiercely over my shoulders. “Come over, you peevish girl!” said my husband walking out into the yard with a blow dryer.
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1705047907 I could not very well resist but pull a chair and sit down compliantly. The blooming flowers of the yard presenting a riot of color before my eyes quietly dispelled all my grudges.
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1705047909 I felt warmth coming off and on around my ears while the mist of vapor was dispersing.
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1705047911 “Perhaps, this scene will come back to you years later when you sit alone at sunset like this.”
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1705047913 A tinge of melancholy was tangible in my husband’s voice, which broke the long silence.
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1705047915 “What about you then?” I asked.
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1705047917 My husband turned off the blow dryer and looked at me with a smile. After adjusting the pose of my head he let the blow dryer work again. It was quite some time before he gave a reply: “Gone long before you.”
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1705047919 His voice was so sure yet so calm. It suddenly dawned on me that taciturn as he had been all the time, there was regret deep in his heart. I was awe-struck like a mischievous boy brought face to face with the damage he had done.
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1705047921 If after many years I was, as God would have it, left alone watching the glory of the flowers, would I have the heart to contemplate and figure out what there is now in my husband’s mind?
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1705047923 The Buddha says: It takes five hundred years’ religious devotion for people to acquire a chance of sharing a boat and one thousand years of sharing a marriage bed. But how long is it to keep each other’s company in wedlock?
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1705047925 How come that I tend to hurt the one I love most? It may be that he is the one who forgives me each time. However, it is precisely because there is no danger of being deserted that I have all along taken him for granted.
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1705047927 If it should eventually happen, how could I bear to look at the same splendid scene of flowers all alone?
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1705047929 英译与汉语原文,同样精彩。文字流畅,遣词精当。笔者把英译发送给美国友人,美国友人对译文作了些小修改,评价极高。
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1705047931 英译散发着英语味,而很少汉语痕迹,或曰,很少“译痕”,在相当程度上归功于四句非人称主语句。现对其修辞功能做一浅析。
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1705047933 就这样,面对着满院子灿烂的花,不说一句话,心中的怨恨已全消失了。
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1705047935 The blooming flowers of the yard presenting a riot of color before my eyes quietly dispelled all my grudges.
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1705047937 原文主语并未出现,读者却能即刻意识到省略的主语是“我”。若不省略“我”,如“我面对着满院子……,我不说……,我心中的怨恨……”,行文将显得拖沓。
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1705047939 英译的主语没有相应地用I,而是出人意料地改用了非人称的flowers,后续动感很强的动词dispelled(消除)。flowers一词似乎被赋予一种神力,能排遣“我”心中的怨恨!绕过了人称主语,表达顿趋简洁,而且也生动活泼起来。
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1705047941 也许,多年后的一个黄昏,像现在,你一人独坐的时候,你会想起眼前的这一刻的。
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1705047943 Perhaps, this scene will come back to you years later when you sit alone at sunset like this.
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1705047945 同样,原文主语是人,未被省略,“你”字反复出现。英译一反汉语习惯,以非人称的主语this scene取代“你”,后续动词come(back to you)。英译以this scene牵头,短小精干,其后则拖拖拉拉,如接龙一般。状语years later后接一个when引导的状语从句,而状语从句中又含一个介词短语at sunset,一个还不够,还要再接一个介词短语like this。真可谓洋洋洒洒,欲止又言;如此句型,头轻脚重,从容洒脱,正符合英语句型的审美价值!
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1705047947 沉默了很长时间的丈夫,突然说出这样的话来,而且在声音中还带着一丝藏不住的伤感。
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1705047949 A tinge of melancholy was tangible in my husband’s voice, which broke the long silence.
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1705047951 原文动词“说”的主语是丈夫。译者笔力不凡,变汉语的人称主语为英语非人称主语A tinge of melancholy!更妙的是,定语从句的关系词which的先行词也是非人称的voice。一个非人称主语(A tinge of melancholy)接另一个非人称主语(voice),让读者品味再三的竟是定语从句中的动宾结构:broke the long silence。
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1705047953 反观汉语原文,英译似乎更符合“一气呵成”(Coherence)的行文原则!英译A tinge of melancholy was tangible in my husband’s voice, which broke the long silence的上句是“丈夫”突然说出的一句话,话既出口,英译马上跟着描绘丈夫的语音——A tinge of melancholy,如此紧密契合,汉语原句所不如也。
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