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“Oh, no!” Les felt as if the air had thickened, pressing like pillows in his face. “Why?”
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“噢,不!”莱斯感到空气似乎凝重了,像是枕头压在脸上。“为什么?”
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She shrugged, and grew very still over her cup of tea, like a card player guarding her hand. “He says I can ‘t keep up with him anymore.”
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她耸耸肩,盯着那杯茶,变得一动不动,像是一个玩纸牌的人护着自己手里的牌。“他说我已经不配他了。”
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“Really? What a selfish, narcissistic creep! Remember how you used to complain about his icy touch?”
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“真的吗?自私自恋的家伙!还记得你曾经怎么抱怨他那冷冰冰的抚摸吗?”
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She repeated the almost imperceptible shrug. “He’s a typical man. More honest than most.”
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她再次微微耸肩,几乎让人觉察不到。“他是个典型的男人,比大多数男人诚实。”
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Was this a dig at him? Les wondered. In their game of reopened possibilities, he didn’t want to overplay his own hand. Rather than say nothing, he said, “With winter here, you don’t seem as pale as in summer. How are you doing with sunlight?”
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这是在挖苦他吗?莱斯心想。在这场可能重温旧梦的游戏中,他可不想表演过分。他无话找话地说:“冬天来了,你的脸色不像夏天那么苍白了。你现在对日光还敏感吗?”
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“Since you ask, it makes me ache. I have lupus, they tell me. A mild form, whatever that means.” Her grimace he took to be sarcastic.
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“既然你问起了,日光让我感到疼痛。我患了狼疮,他们告诉我。不管怎么说,是轻度的。”她做了一个鬼脸,他觉那鬼脸颇具讥讽的意味。
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“Well,” Les said, “that’s nice it’s mild. You still look great to me.” The waitress came back, and they hastily ordered, and passed the rest of the lunch uncomfortably, running out of the small talk, the innocent sharing, that for so long he had felt deprived of. The small talk had come, however, in bed, in the languid aftermath of erotic occasions. Veronica was less apt now, Les sensed, to be languid; she carried her wide-hipped, rangy body warily, as if it might detonate. There was something incandescent about her, like a filament forced full of current. Before the waitress could offer them dessert, she reached for her coat and told Les, “Now, don’t tell Lisa any of this. Some of it’s still secret.”
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【原译】“噢,”莱斯说,“轻度的就好。我觉得你看起来还是丰姿不减。”女服务员回来了,他们匆匆忙忙地点餐,然后在尴尬的气氛中吃完了午餐,结束了这一他觉得自己已经长久没有享受过的坦诚的闲聊。而这种闲聊以前是在他俩做爱以后,无力地躺在床上时常有的。莱斯感觉到维罗妮卡没有以前那么会善于彰显她的娇弱无力了;她宽大的盆骨、瘦长的四肢和警惕目光使她的身体好像会一触即发。她给人一种炽热之感,就像一截被强行满载电流的灯丝。女服务员还没送上餐后甜点,她就拿起外套,对莱斯说:“嗯,我们的事半点儿也不能告诉莉莎。有些事情别人都还不知道。”
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格式塔起步于思维的整体性(macrocosm),由全局弥补局部之不足,而接受美学则反其道而行之,起步于阅读过程中的局部性(microcosm),不断地修正、改变或实现期待视野,所谓“各个击破”,以臻最后意向之完成。两者结合,既以整体统率局部,识整体之秀;又能在见微知萌中,识局部之美。
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不用细读原文,仅读原译,就不难发现译文之尴尬,原译者既不识整体之秀,又不见局部之美。如:在尴尬的气氛中吃完了午餐,结束了这一他觉得自己已经长久没有享受过的坦诚的闲聊。
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其实,所谓“整体”,并不遥远,更不抽象。一个副词uncomfortably,和盘托出了整体。整个午餐的氛围尽展读者眼前。局部应该服从这个整体。原译者以“在尴尬的气氛中吃完了午餐”译之,并无不妥,可是,始料不及的是,当译者落笔局部(闲聊),时,居然使用了如此冗长的定语:已经长久没有享受过的坦诚的。差矣!uncomfortably和“已经长久没有享受过的坦诚的”能相互兼容吗?非也!
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【改译】“哦!”莱斯说,“是轻度的就好。在我眼里,你依然完美。”服务小姐走了过来,他们草草点了菜。接下去的午餐吃得索然无味,那些无足轻重的闲聊的话题已经用尽。这些轻松而随意的分享,莱斯觉得已经失去了很久很久。不过,以前那些悄悄话,都是在床上说的,是在激情过后肢软体疲的时候说的。莱斯发现,维罗妮卡现在不像以前那样动不动就没精打采;她小心地挪动着她肢细臀肥的身体,好像她的身体会随时引爆。她全身上下有一种东西在喷薄发亮,宛若充满电流的灯丝。没等女服务生为他们送上甜点,维罗妮卡便伸手取过自己的外套,对莱斯说:“这事别让莉莎知道。有些事情还是秘密。”
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He protested, “I never tell her anything.”
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他郑重许诺:“我不会跟她说什么。”
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翻译竞赛委员会提供的参考译文
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纤弱娇妻
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陆谷孙译
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薇萝妮卡·霍斯特给蜜蜂螫了。按说郁闷一小会,短痛一阵子,也就该没事了。她虽说才二十九岁,正值壮健之年,却偏偏对突如其来的刺激过敏,这一螫竟差点送了命。幸好,丈夫格列高正在身边,一把抱起妻子昏死过去而且几乎已测不出血压的身体塞进车厢,左冲右突,飞车穿过镇子中心,驶往医院,这才保住她的命。莱斯·密勒的妻子莉莎刚刚上气不接下气地跟女友们一边打网球一边唠嗑回来,把这事告诉了丈夫。他也像被螫了一下,不由得妒火中烧。原来他跟薇萝妮卡在过去的夏季发生过一段恋情,按理说跟她在一起,扮演英雄救美的应是自己。格列高事后居然还不失镇定地特地去了当地警署,解释自己为何超速行车,见了停车标志仍然猛冲而过。“真不可思议,”不知情的莉莎一味絮叨,“她快三十了,看来从没被叮咬过,所以谁也不知道会出这种事。我从小就没少挨叮咬,你不也一样?”
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“我想薇萝妮卡是在城市里长大的吧,”他说。
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