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二十岁的时候，和某个人晚上一起去看了场电影，不经意中拉了一次手，结果幸福了整整一个夏天。三十岁之后，坐在香格里拉酒店的旋转餐厅陪客户吃自助餐，在缓缓的转动之中，莫名其妙地一阵空虚，突然间对一切感到索然无味……
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1705052951
【原译】At the age of twenty, I went to see a film on a night with someone who casually took my hand in his palm, and this sweet happiness lingered for the whole summer. After I have turned thirty, I feel an aching void in the slow movement of the rotating restaurant, where I dine with my clients upon a buffet meal, in Shangri-La Hotel and all of a sudden I lost interest in everything.
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【改译】At the age of twenty, one evening, I went to see a film with a boy. In the darkness, an incidental touch of hands filled me with joy all that summer. I am thirty, sitting the rotating restaurant of Shangri-La Hotel, accompanying my clients having a buffet. In the slow rotating, an indescribable emptiness, all of a sudden, seizes me, and I find everything dull and dry.
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汉语以无主语句为美，而英语则以非人称主语句见长。试比较：
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不经意中拉了一次手，结果幸福了整整一个夏天。（主语系“我”，这个“我”字不必道出，读者听者皆能轻易感悟。）
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In the darkness, an incidental touch of hands filled me with joy all that summer.（行文何等酣畅自如，表意何其明快淋漓！只缘用了impersonal subject sentence!）
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莫名其妙地一阵空虚，突然间对一切感到索然无味……（同样也是省略了主语“我”的句式。）
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An indescribable emptiness, all of a sudden, seizes me.（同样是精彩纷呈、几读不厌的非人称主语句。）
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2 识英语之形合美
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背影（节选）
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1705052970
The Sight of Father’s Back (Extracts)
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1705052972
张培基教授的《英译中国现代散文选》让读者既重温字字珠玑的散文名作，又品尝了英译的别样风姿。张译不乏亮点，然而，字里行间尚残留不足。（以下以他对朱自清的《背影》中某些句子的翻译为例，试做分析。）
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到南京时，有朋友约去游逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便须渡江到浦口，下午上车北去。
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【张译】I spent the first day in Nanjing strolling about with some friends at their invitation, and was ferrying across the Yangtse River to Pukou the next morning and thence taking a train for Beijing on the afternoon of the same day.（42个单词）
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对照阅读之下，一个强烈的视觉冲击是：汉语原文简约，而英译竟如此拖沓！难道英语表达就应如此冗杂？且不说两个连词and如何令句子结构趋于松散，就遣词论，the next morning和on the afternoon of the same day夹在同一句中，其中必有可省略之处！
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读到此，笔者寻出杨宪益和戴乃迭所译的《背影》作对照阅览。不比不知道，一比便开窍。杨戴两位的英译是：
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A friend kept me in Nanjing for a day to see sights, and the next morning I was to cross the Yangtze to Pukou to take the afternoon train to the north.（32个单词）
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果然！在杨戴的译文中把afternoon用作形容词，置于train之前，如此可谓以一（afternoon [train] ）当九（a train [for Beijing] on the afternoon of the same day）！意思丝毫未改，而且更“信”。比如，杨将“上车北去”中的“北”不是译成Beijing，而是译成north。
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另外，“有朋友约去游逛，勾留了一日”，张译非常“铺张”，译成了I spent the first day in Nanjing strolling about with some friends at their invitation，从表层结构看，“游逛”被译strolling about,“约”也被译成at their invitation，看似译笔细密，点滴不漏，其实，却经不起推敲。strolling about是否译得太泛？at their invitation是否译得过于庄重？
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比较阅读在灯下继续，便又有了新的发现。
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我们过了江，进了车站。我买票，他忙着照看行李。
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1705052992
张译不可谓不忠实，亦步亦趋地译成了两句。如：
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We entered the railway station after crossing the River. While I was at the booking office buying a ticket, father saw to my luggage.
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再读杨戴之译，发现译文紧缩为一句，系一典型的英语尾重句。表达流畅，散发浓郁的英语味。如：
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