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老境却如此颓唐!他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。
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【张译】To think that he should now be so downcast in old age! The discouraging state of affairs filled him with an uncontrollable feeling of deep sorrow, and his pent-up emotion had to find a vent. That is why even mere domestic trivialities would often make him angry.
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译文拘谨,基本按照原文语序译出。就性质言,译文以意合句为主,意合转化为形合的意识在译文中得不到足够反映,Connective使用不到位。洋洋洒洒,三句共计使用了47个英语单词。
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【杨译】No one could have foreseen such a comedown in his old age! The thought of this naturally depressed him, and as he had to vent his irritation somehow, he often lost his temper over trifles.
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如用“牵丝攀藤”写张译,那么,杨译则明快爽洁。诵读前者,恰如艰难举步于灌木丛中,而浏览后者,则是赤足奔跑在海边沙地上。
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如此反差,也许可追溯到译文中的as。一个as,看似轻巧,其实不然。as折射了原文中的因果逻辑关系,使行文脉络朗现,逻辑突显,表达也就自然明澈,一个as就轻易替代了张译中的That is why…等众多累赘字眼。可以设想,没有这个表示逻辑关系的as,译文就得“绕道而行”,自然就得花费更多的笔墨。
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汉译英,许多意合句改变为形合句,增加了Connectives,但句子却更精练,遣词也减少的现象并非偶然。
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但是,Connectives的使用,甚至多使用Connectives,译文是否就一定趋简呢?未必。请看对比:
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我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”
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【张译】After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which he says, “I’m all right except for a severe pain in my arm. I even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes. Perhaps it won’t be long now before I depart this life.”
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此译使用的Connectives“前呼后拥”,如after, in which, except for, or等。但是,读来仍然摆脱不了“牵丝攀藤”的感觉,特别在读了下译后:
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【杨译】After I came north he wrote to me: “My health is all right; only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen. Probably the end is not far away.”
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两译的字数分别是45和34。让人感到意外的是,杨译所使用的Connectives 仅两个:After和so。
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这又是为什么呢?两译对比,尤其是对so的思考,笔者茅塞顿开。
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所谓Connectives,似可根据其作用分为两类:一种是结构性的(Structural Connectives),另一种是非结构性的(Non-Structural Connectives)。结构性的Connectives既折射句子内部逻辑关系,又是句子的框架性构件,支撑起英语句子,可谓“一箭双雕”。而非结构性的Connectives不是句子的逻辑标记,仅是行文的纽带,承接上下文。如:After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which he says…。此译中的in which即非结构性Connective,不反映逻辑关系,承上启下而已,使用了这样的Connectives,未必能简化表达,与he wrote me a letter相比,in which he says就显然罗嗦,徒增了行文的字数。
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结构性的Connectives,化隐含的逻辑关系为明示的逻辑关系,假如依靠别的文字来描述或传递同样的逻辑关系,自然多费笔墨。如:only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen.此译中的so,即属于结构性的Connectives。so虽不起眼,作用却大!so不仅使“惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便”一句中隐含的因果关系“浮出水面”,令读者易懂,而且使句子结构豁然。而张译中的I even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes独立成句,逻辑上产生割裂感,“前不着村,后不着店”一般。
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汉英翻译,对英语重形合,汉语重意合的规律只有朦胧印象或泛泛了解是远不够的。光凭直感使用Connectives,也未必能够简化表达的目的。只有对汉语原句做一番逻辑梳理,并亮出结构性的Connectives,译文才会显示优势。
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汉语意合句的内部逻辑关系,字面上“不动声色”,而内涵却丰富精彩。英译时,一不小心,就会滑入照字面直译的歧路,而不善使用形形色色的Connectives,尤其是结构性的Connectives。如:
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早知今日,何必当初?(这是隐含条件关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少if。)
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If I had known it would come to this, I would have acted differently.
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他老是见异思迁。(这是隐含时间关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少the moment。)
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He is always changing his mind the moment he sees something new.
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江山易改,本性难移。(这是隐含转折关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少but。)
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It is easy to change rivers and mountains but hard to change a person’s nature.
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总之,前途是光明的,道路是曲折的。(这是隐含对比关系的汉语意合句。英译不可少while。)
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