打字猴:1.705053065e+09
1705053065
1705053066 In a word, while the prospects are bright, the road has twists and turns.
1705053067
1705053068 译者缺乏识破汉语原文所隐含的逻辑关系的“火眼金睛”,译文的精神必不能抖擞。如:
1705053069
1705053070 我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!
1705053071
1705053072 从字面上看,上句没有显露逻辑之痕,但是,译者假如不识其真面目(隐含时间关系的汉语意合句),照字面老老实实地去译,那将获得怎样的译文呢?
1705053073
1705053074 【张译】Through the glistening tears which these words had brought to my eyes I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form in the dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown and the black cloth mandarin jacket. Oh, how I long to see him again!
1705053075
1705053076 “看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影”应该如何理解?其中隐藏着怎样的逻辑关系?这是一个需要结合上文细加推敲的问题。其逻辑背景是:当父亲离我而去的时候,我看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。这个逻辑背景是全文之“眼”!汉语是成熟的语言,“当父亲离我而去的时候”不必明言,此意已经很自然地融入字里行间,读者足以意会。但是,在英译时,译者就必须遵从英语表达习惯,应该化隐为显,变无为有。遗憾的是,张译显然没有注意到这一点,而是作了直译:I again saw the back of father…句中的动宾搭配(saw the back),基本抄袭了汉语原句的动宾结构(看见背影)。
1705053077
1705053078 【杨译】When I read this, through a mist of tears I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from me. Shall we ever meet again?
1705053079
1705053080 此译抛弃了原句的动宾结构,而是另立新的动宾搭配:saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket。这样就腾出了使用Connective的空间,译笔多创意!果然,紧接着出现了一个as(这是典型的结构性的Connective),非常清晰和有层次感地传递了“背影”出现的时间。as his burly figure walked away from me 在原句里寻找不到相对应的字眼,却能在上文里寻找到此译的背景。由as引导的从句,贯通了上下文,并成功点题,把父亲的背影给译活了,这比单纯地写I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form更让人喝彩!如果说,译文I again saw the back of father’s corpulent form是死板的、平面的、孤立的,而译文I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from me则是鲜活的、立体的、贯通上文的!
1705053081
1705053082 英语的形合表达,竟有此妙处!这是我们始料未及的。此外,我们不应忘记,一个as,省略了多少赘词!从张译的43个单词缩减到33个!
1705053083
1705053084 我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青色布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。
1705053085
1705053086 【张译】I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track.
1705053087
1705053088 没有比较,就没有鉴别。孤立读此译文,觉得并无明显不妥。意思到位,且文字清通。然而,世间万物,总经不起比较,译文亦不例外。把目光投向杨译时,读者的第一个感觉就是张译的累赘和杨译的明快。此外,令人称奇的是,杨译的as he waddled to the tracks and climbed slowly down和上一句译文中的as his burly figure walked away from me有异曲同工之妙!于是,读者再次慨叹译者不同凡响的hypotaxis consciousness!
1705053089
1705053090 【杨译】So I watched him in his black cloth cap and jacket and dark blue cotton-padded gown, as he waddled to the tracks and climbed slowly down—not so difficult after all. But when he had crossed the lines he had trouble clambering up the other side.
1705053091
1705053092 由于使用了as,父亲的两个动作(waddled to the tracks和climbed slowly down)就比较紧密地联系起来。结构性的Connective的运用能够使译文更趋畅洁,语势如瀑,奔泻酣畅。而这两个动作在张译中的彼此遥隔了23个单词,语势因此而中阻。如:I watched him hobble towards the railway track in his black skullcap, black cloth mandarin jacket and dark blue cotton-padded cloth long gown. He had little trouble climbing down the railway track杨译使用了as,形容词短语not so difficult after all即能自然跟出,随后的两个Connectives(but和when)即刻暗示读者:要climbing up也许就不那么容易了。果然,读者读到:(but when) he had crossed the lines he had trouble clambering up the other side,承接圆润自如。再读张译:He had little trouble climbing down the railway track, but it was a lot more difficult for him to climb up that platform after crossing the railway track.虽然也使用了but,但是,两个并列句的使用令遣词重复,句式呆板,用力平均,且had little trouble与a lot more difficult之间,呈“遥望”之势。
1705053093
1705053094 杨译给我们的启示是,识别汉语原句的隐含的逻辑关系,在英译时,化意合句为形合句,有时就可以甚至必须跳出汉语句式的束缚,让调整过的句式更多体现“接近原则”(the vicinity principle),从而获得译文语势的流畅美。
1705053095
1705053096 这是否可以说是英语形合句的一种优势呢?
1705053097
1705053098 过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。
1705053099
1705053100 【张译】In crossing the railway track, he first put the tangerines on the ground, climbed down slowly and then picked them up again.
1705053101
1705053102 如前所说,汉译英时需要有强烈的形合意合意识,要善用Connectives。但是,多用未必就好。以上的张译就根据汉语原句中的几个连续发生的动作(“散放”、“爬下”、“抱起”等),根据先后次序,一一译出(如put, climbed down, picked them up),条理清晰,层层递进。
1705053103
1705053104 【杨译】He put these on the platform before climbing slowly down to cross the lines, which he did after picking the fruit up.
1705053105
1705053106 短短一句,译者连续使用了几个Connectives(before, when, after等),颇有点让读者眼花缭乱。尤其是句末的which he did after picking the fruit up,令读者如入迷宫,一下子难以醒悟:这个which到底指代上文何词?经过琢磨,方能领悟,这个which是指climbing slowly down to cross the lines。因多用了Connectives而使译文由简单变得复杂,由流畅变得曲折,这可以说是一个典型的译例。
1705053107
1705053108 这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。
1705053109
1705053110 有的语言学家经过长期的观察,悟出了一个精彩比喻:英句似“葡萄型”结构,而汉语句子则较短,若“竹竿型”结构。英汉互译就好像在“葡萄”与“竹竿”之间作转换。这个比喻非常出色。所谓“葡萄”与“竹竿”之间的转换,通俗言之,在汉译英中,即将汉语短句化成英语长句。“化”之关键,是吃透汉语原句中类似竹子的各短句间的逻辑,而后使用结构性的Connective将它们连接起来,而成为葡萄状结构。
1705053111
1705053112 以上句为例,它前后分成两句。因此,英译就存在两种可能,一是“依样画葫芦”,也译两句。张译便是如此:
1705053113
1705053114 【张译】While I was watching him from behind, tears gushed from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away lest he or others should catch me crying.
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