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二十岁的时候,我想出名要趁早,一个人到了三十岁还籍籍无名那还活个什么劲儿呀?三十岁之后,名是不指望了,只希望在四十岁的时候能像我老板一样有钱。
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【原译】At the age of twenty, I said, to gain fame, the earlier the better. How dull it should be one is still unknown in her thirties! In my thirties, reputation is no longer my desire. I only have a wish to be as rich as my boss in my forties.
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【改译】At the age of twenty, it’s better to be famous before it’s too late, I believed. What would be the spice of life for a person deserted by fame when approaching thirty? After thirty, fame seems still beyond reach, yet being as rich as my boss at forty becomes my new dream.
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英语既然是重分析的语言,其语法必有其特色。语言学家王力先生曾断言:西洋语法是硬的,没有弹性;中国语法是软的,富有弹性。中国语法以达意为主。所谓“硬”、所谓“没有弹性”,一个重要的标志是:英语是形合(Hypotaxis)语言,在句子的各成分之间必须用形形色色的含逻辑关系的Connectives将其串联起来。而汉语的所谓“软”和“弹性”,就是无须Connectives的串联,而其内部的逻辑关系自明。故汉语又被称为意合(Parataxis)语言。比如朱自清在他的短文《匆匆》中写道:
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燕子去了,有再来的时候;杨柳枯了,有再青的时候;桃花谢了,有再开的时候。但是,聪明的,你告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?其相应的英译是:
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Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again. Now, you the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?
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英译出现了三个but,这三个but在native speakers的心目中是非加不可的。不加,即非正宗英语。让我们回过头再读朱自清原句。假设,将三个“但是”硬性插入,那将是何种滋味?
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英译中的黑体字即Connectives,它们的出现,顿令译文生色。
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另,《一个女人是这样衰老的》全文在频做20岁与30岁的对比,根据英语表达习惯,两项对比间,应用连词while,如At the age of twenty…, while at thirty…。但是,Bill教授对此有不同意见:
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The balance and parallelism is so strong in these statements, I think you could omit the WHILE. However, in the first set, I would probably repeat the phrase AT THE AGE OF THIRTY. Thereafter, even that could be dropped, keeping only AT THIRTY.
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可见,语言有规律可循,但并不存在万能的规律。
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二十岁的时候,挤在人头攒动的公共大巴上,吃着甜筒,挺开心。三十岁之后,看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦,拜托!油价一跌,就去买车吧,一路开往小康。
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【原译】At the age of twenty, I felt happy squeezed in a crammed bus eating an ice-cream. After I have turned thirty, I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis. Thank goddess! Once the oil price declines, I’ll buy a car to myself and drive all the way to a comfortable life.
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【改译】At the age of twenty, I felt so contented sandwiched in a jammed bus, eating ice cream. After thirty, even the sight of a shabby and sordid taxi may sicken me. Ok! When the oil price goes down, I’ll buy a car and drive along the road of Well-To-Do.
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英语的非人称主语句具有极高的审美价值。由于历史和文化的原因,汉语大量使用无主语句,而少用非人称主语句,不能不说这是汉语的一个遗憾。这种句式令表达简洁自如、形象生动、变化灵活。“看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦”一句的主语是“我”,汉语常将其省略。而英语却别出心裁以the sight of a shabby and sordid taxi为主语,自然轻巧地带出谓语宾语(may sicken me)。I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis则显得呆板有余,灵巧不足。
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另外,后译中没有使用squeezed,而是使用了sandwiched,词的转义增加行文的辞采,又多一例。
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二十岁的时候,打赌说我这辈子不可能土到死守在一个地方,生活在别处嘛。三十岁之后,我为了在这座城市买个满意又便宜的房子跑断了双腿。
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【原译】At the age of twenty, I bet there was a fat chance that I should rustically live my lifetime in one place. As the saying goes, a beautiful life occurs elsewhere. In my thirties, I spare no strength running for a decent and inexpensive house in the local city.
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【改译】At the age of twenty, I bet that I would never reside in one city the rest of my life. I’d choose to live in different places. After thirty, I run off my legs for searching an apartment, satisfying and cheap.
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在内容和形式的问题上,Nida在20世纪80年代的论点有所发展。在1986年出版的Form One Language to Another(《从一种语言到另一种语言》)一书中,他改变了过去那种“保留内容,改变形式”的提法,而提出了内容和形式兼顾的论点。他认为,功能对等(functional equivalence)的翻译要求“不但是信息内容的对等,而且尽可能地要求形式的对等”(not only the equivalent content of message, but, in so far as possible, an equivalence of the form)。
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为什么Nida把形式的对等提到重要的位置呢?这是因为世界各国的语言,虽然千差万别,但是,各种语言之间存在着某些语言的共性。因而,在语言形式上(在词汇构成、句法结构、表达方式等各方面)也存在着很多相似之处。所以在一定条件下,译文和原文在内容和形式上都一致,并不是不可能的。在这种情况下,就应该尽量保持一致,决不能任意改变形式。
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Nida的这一论点与近代多数翻译家同意的一条原则:Translate literally, if possible, or, appeal to free translation.(陆殿扬译为:如果可能,就直译;否则就采取意译。)Nida的提法更具体,更明确,因而,更具有指导意义。
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据此,原句中的“跑断了双腿”被译成spare no strength running for就让人感到可惜。英语存在类似的比喻,异曲同工,完全能套用,如后译的ran off my legs for。《综合英语成语词典》对run off one’s legs的释义为:忙得筋疲力尽;疲于奔命,累坏了。
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另外,后译使用了后置形容词satisfying and cheap,成功地实现了end-weight,值得模仿。只须留心,英语中如此后置形容词比比皆是。如:He comes into the light of every-day like a great leviathan of the deep, breaking the smooth surface of accepted things, gay, serious, and sportive… He makes uneasy the static, the set and the still. (From “The True Artist” by Norman Bethume)
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二十岁的时候,看小说专挑和爱情有关的情节看。三十岁之后,我在聊天室里的代号叫“不谈爱情”。
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